One-sided relationships can be difficult to recognize, especially when we are accustomed to being the person who reaches out, accommodates, checks in, or keeps the connection going. Sometimes the clearest way to understand a relationship is to create enough space to observe the pattern more objectively. Not because we are angry. Not because we are trying to punish someone. And not because we want to see whether another person will “chase” us. Sometimes we simply need enough distance to hear...

“Sometimes the biggest truths come out disguised as ‘just one little thing.’” It came up in a therapy session today. A conversation had moved through the bigger things—the obvious stressors, the complicated emotions, the experiences that seemed worthy of attention. And then came something smaller. “There’s just one little thing…” Except it wasn’t little. In therapy, I’ve learned to pay attention when someone minimizes what they are about to say. “It’s probably nothing.” “This might sound...

Recently, I was working with a patient who was struggling and feeling unsafe. As part of our conversation, we began talking about creating a safety plan—something concrete to turn to if the emotional pain intensified or thoughts of self-harm or suicide began to feel overwhelming. One of the questions I asked was simple: “Can you name two or three people you could contact if things became too difficult to manage on your own?” There was a pause. Not the kind of pause that comes from trying to...